God wants me to experience other things aside from what I’m
already knew doing faithfully. And I
know it is because whether I admit it or not, it is creating a monster inside
of me already. The uniformity of what I’m doing for Him, tragically diverted to
asking for approval and appreciation from humans. That the pressures of being
one of the leaders in church and what is supposed to be done by a Christian
turned into rush me in doing ministries that become a burden because God was
not inquired if it is His will or just another burden I placed in my shoulder.
What I’m doing are not wrong, in fact these are for His Glory, as I’m thinking
about it, but the problem is I’m doing it for my self’s appreciation and
approval of others and of God. I forgot the grace. I forgot the correct
motive, I forgot that I am loved even I don’t do all those things. I forgot
that because I thought it is His ministry, it is what He wants for me to do. I
forgot to enjoy the life He has given me. That I should enjoy it, that I’m His
friend aside from I’m His servant. That Jesus wants me not to always heavy
laden, but enjoy free life. And for so many reasons, I stressed and forgot myself.
God told me that what I’m doing is not wrong, however, I’m
not inquiring Him, instead doing it using my own strength. That’s why I’m
always tired and easily got weary. Which honestly, God impressed me why Jesus
always needed to pray and have a recharge every morning with His Father because
He is human. Not our will but His, not our minds but His guidance. And it is
needed to feel His presence, fellowship with Him. Everything is useless and
tiring if we do it ourselves, we are only humans. Hence, this turned me to become
afraid to start a day without asking for His guidance, His wisdom, reading the
Scriptures and praying. I’m afraid of what a day it may like if I don’t do
those. It is a fear which make God smiles, because He felt total dependent on
Him, which He really asked.
Then I felt the freedom. I feel that’s what I just be doing
is to have fellowship with Him and follow Him. That, all of those ministries
should be correctly being done in His will, no pressures from others. Only feel
the love and compassion for others that God gave us for the lost. God gave me a
break for stress and pressures and just smile. We should do everything for His
glory and stressing ourselves for peer pressures, is not helping us to do so,
instead, we look haggard and restless.
My point is… we should know what His workload is for us in a
day. It is like a dart, if we know and see our goal, we’ll know how we’ll do it
and no pressure from others. Plus, His instructions and power of the Holy
Spirit, we will not miss it. This is why we should have a daily fellowship with
our God, to know what our assignment for
the day is. Not the monotonous schedule we have like years ago, we’re still
doing.
One thing God impressed me. Not because you thought you’re
doing good things that are the right thing you should be doing. Remember, only
God is good and He is perfect, you cannot judge yourself, you are in the right
track unless He confirms it. Avoid being Pharisees and Sadducees that doing the
tasks ceremonially, traditionally, ritually or just for the sake of it. And
forgot the essence of all our efforts is for God. We have to evaluate if the specific task we have is really for Him or if we do that from the heart or just because
everybody is doing that.
Only Him knows His
plans for us, so ask Him first, because you are just maybe tiring yourself
doing a different workload He is not asking you to do. I remember Jesus, when
somebody asked Him to do something, He always tell them, it is not yet my time,
like telling them, hey, don’t rush me, I know the plans of my Father, I know when
is the perfect time. And even the time before His death, I believe His close
fellowship with His Father make it known to Him it is His time to accomplish
His major ministry. That’s why He agonized so much because He already knew
that’s the big day. For sure, if we Christians, have that same
closeness to our Father God, His wisdom will be overflowing to us. Remember,
Jesus said we can do what He did while here on earth.
Only God is good and only Him will know if what we’re doing
is according to His specific plans for us. And He is All-knowing Judge that
will account everything we did in the end, so better ask Him first before
taking a first step anything we do for the Lord.
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